ⁿºᵗ ʸºᵘʳ ˢºⁿ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unprovided) wrote2017-07-22 05:12 pm
unprovided) wrote2017-07-22 05:12 pm
Entry tags:
my old jason fic.
Title: my feet have lead me straight into my grave
Summary: oh lord, have you walked away?. Jason Todd's death.
TW: lots of torture, death. mentions of suicide and rape and victim blaming.
After letting that rapist fall off the roof (Jason made no move to save him though he could have, and he doesn't regret it. Not when his victim killed herself, not when his victim was not believed at the police station), he is taken off active duty as Robin. Bruce tries to frame it well and explain to him the reasons why, but it's Jason. He doesn't quite get it. He's angry and upset. He feels like he's let Bruce down even though he can never regret killing that man, and maybe it's his biological father in him that makes him so willing to kill without regret.
He's not like Bruce as much as he has always wanted to be. His son. Instead of his biological father's son.
Jason's taken off active duty, and he feels he's let Bruce down (wasn't everyone waiting for that? Jason was waiting for that. Does a kid from the dark, violent streets of Gotham really belong in a manor?). He talks to Elena about it too, and she seems to hate the thought he could have killed that man (because she worries about him, about what it would do to him. but he feels like he's already there, and it's worth it if it means that scum can't hurt anyone else). They argue about it like he argued with Bruce about it, and he feels lost.
He throws himself into searching for his biological mother with everything he has. Bruce has taught him detective skills, and he uses those to find his way and try to ignore what crime Batman is currently fighting, because otherwise, it's the only place he'd want to be. Becoming Robin, it was the best day of Jason's life, and he feels like he's lost that.
Jason finds her. His mother. He leaves early in the morning before Batman has returned. Alfred is up waiting for him. He gives Jason food, and Jason says he'll be back, but he's found his mother and he has to go meet her.
It shouldn't be complicated is the thing.
Meeting one's biological mother, it should at worst be a monumental and painful disappointment and at best be a beautiful, important experience. What Jason will find is neither.
-------------------------------------
On the train ride over, he calls Elena. She'd been on a date with Stefan Salvatore, which is its own bundle of contradictions and pain, because he loves Elena but of course- Stefan is rich. Stefan has money, and he has class.
And Jason has never told Elena how he feels.
He doesn't realize it will be too late now to ever tell her, but they talk while he rides on the train. They talk for hours.
------------------------------------
His mother isn't even in Gotham. He has to travel far, and Jason doesn't use any of Bruce's money to do this though it would be available to him. He hitchhikes. He takes a train.
She isn't even in Gotham, but she still finds herself in the middle of a dangerous mess. Jason doesn't even think she realizes it, but he meets her and she has a good story for why she was never a part of his life. He is so desperate for a parental figure after losing his last and disappointing Bruce that he doesn't consider it anything but truthful.
Jason informs her of what's going on, because he thinks it's important for her to know. He tells her that they can work together with a friend of his (Batman) to stop this and to get her free safely before they take down this group, stealing and selling drugs.
He's about to make the call to Bruce, but Sheila lets out a scream (all staged, all planned). Jason drops the phone, and he rushes after her, terrified he's going to lose her too. He follows after them, unwilling to lose the trail in case it means he can't pick it up again in time. He's seen how quickly death happens, and he's worried about what those men might do to her. He's angry he even turned his back for a moment.
When he shows up at the warehouse to save her, it's revealed quickly she sold him out, because she didn't want to go to jail, because she was as deeply involved as anyone else (that's the blood that runs through his veins, his mother and his father, both criminals like he is. was), and Jason never got that call through to Bruce, and he fights with everything he has but he's quickly overwhelmed, darkness envelopes him,
and there's the maniacal, familiar sound of Joker's laugh.
Joker who killed Rachel. Joker who deeply hurt Barbara who will never be the same. Joker who does everything he can to hurt and destroy the people in Gotham without care, and Jason has seen how each and every hit goes back to ram into Bruce and take more from him. How torn up Elena would be right along with them as they tried to hold Bruce together and support him when it felt like he was pulling farther and farther apart. That is his family, and he's never been so far away from them before.
I'm sorry he wants to say to him before everything blacks out.
---------------------------------------------------
When Jason wakes on Day 1 (though he has no concept of time), he's tied up to the ceiling, hanging and bleeding. Everything hurts. When he tries to move in the binds, a searing, sharp, hot pain rushes through him and he has to bite on his tongue to keep from crying out. His arm is broken, and it's dark. The light is so dim except for a red light in the distance.
"What the... hell."
It's murmured. His stomach twists up in knots.
"That's for the Bats." It's The Joker, high pitched, always sounds like he's so fucking amused with everything. "After all, I'm sure he'd just love to see how much fun you and I are having, Jason. Don't you? He'll be so jealous of our bonding time, but we can't leave him out."
The Joker presses on Jason's arm, and a noise finally escapes him, torn and screaming through his lungs and his throat. He tries to catch his breath, but he can't.
"Fuck you."
The Joker punches him in the gut. Not because he's angry or affected, but because he can, because he wants to, because it's fun.
"Do you think I'm that easy? You haven't even asked me to dinner yet. Besides it's just about time for the main event. What do you think, Batman? His right or left leg next? We've all heard how tasty turkey legs are, but what about a Robin leg? So many options..."
Jason tries to lunge at him with everything he can muster, all that he can fight with even tied up, even though that pain tears through him all over again. He's bruised, and he's bleeding from cuts, and he is fighting.
"Both? I think he said, Both, don't you, Jason? Batman wants you to suffer. Why else would he pick up someone so hilariously weak to fly, fly, fly right beside him all this time?"
It's both.
Jason passes out sometime after his leg is broken. He's screaming.
----------------------------
He's hanging still, and his arms feel like they'll be ripped from the sockets. Bones stick out of his legs. He wakes up slowly, water has been placed into his mouth. Joker says something about not wanting him to die just yet. It's too soon. That's no show. They have to put on a real show. He cuts him down from the rope, and Jason falls abruptly down to the floor, knocking his head against the pavement.
Jason thinks about Batman, about how he has to be getting close (He's forgotten he never contacted him, forgotten he didn't give anyone the right coordinates so it'll take finding where the hell he went and following the breadcrumbs long before he can be found
or saved, but he holds on to these thoughts as darkness fades in blissfully because pain has become him)
He passes out again.
---------------------------
It's so dark.
Jason hears quiet footsteps, barely footsteps.
"Elena?" in a desperate whisper. Except no, she wouldn't, couldn't, and he shouldn't say her name out loud. He has to protect her identity and Bruce's identity
and not. not say. But there were steps. Something like hope crawls its way into his chest. His hand tightens over nothing.
"Batman?" It's the first time desperation tinges his voice. It's the first time he's sounded as young as he is. "Is that you? I knew- I knew you'd come."
"Yes, it's me, Jason. I'm going to get you out of here." The voice is such a good imitation, isn't it? Jason's head is pounding so loud, he hears what he wants to hear, and there's this beautiful moment of release, of relief where he nearly collapses despite the fact he's still on the floor. He nearly collapses with the strength of it, thinking now he's just gotta- just gotta live until Bruce can get him out, and he can talk to him and apologize
and he can eat food with Alfred by the fire again
and he can find Barbara and apologize that Joker is still out there because he understands what it's like to really hate now
and he can see Elena and tell her he loves her.
Then there's that laughter- that fucking laughter. "You really believed me, didn't you? You're more far gone than I thought, sweetie. No one's coming to save you. Definitely not the Batman. No one cares about you. Why else are you out here all alone? Suffering?" It's the hand of the Joker smacking his face as he pulls him up by the hair. "Smile for the camera, Jason."
The camera's in his face, and it's suddenly bright- too bright in here. A noise escapes Jason. Everything is on fire. He's bleeding. He knows it. He can see his own bones sticking out from skin, and he coughs through the pain of it.
"Anything you want to say?" The Joker taps lightly on the screen.
"Don't." Jason breathes out sharply. It's too late maybe. He doesn't know how much of this has been recorded, and he- he's terrified of Bruce watching this. He's scared that somehow Elena will instead, and she'll- Or Alfred. Oh, God. No one can ever see this. Ever. "Don't watch this. Burn it. Get rid of it. Don't. Promise me. I'm sorry."
His eyes burn. They flood with tears. He tries to fight it but can't.
"Oh, don't you worry. He won't see this right after you die. No, this will be for later when I need to distract him a little bit. Just a tiny bit." What a wonderful escape plan, after all. "You make for a wonderful distraction, Jason, and that's about all. How smart of you to walk directly into my trap for a woman who could not care less about you. But that's women for you, right?"
Jason spits at him (it's part blood), and the Joker hits him with the camera.
-----------------------------------------
At some point, Joker takes his hand and brands him with a J.
You're mine now, boy.
Jason doesn't remember much of it but the smell of his own burning flesh and the searing pain that causes him to black out.
------------------------------------------
This is how it ends, isn't it?
Jason blinks his eyes open. Pain has leveled out to the point he's gotten used to it, but he still- he flinches for the first time when he hears steps coming his way. The begging escapes him because he doesn't want to hurt any more, and he no longer believes Batman is coming for him. "Don't. Please. Don't."
"Oh, don't you worry. It'll all be over soon, little birdie. Do you think Batman's coming?"
Jason bites down on his tongue so hard it bleeds. Tears shoot to his eyes.
"Well?"
"No."
The Joker plays with the tire iron in his hand. "Homerun," he declares gleefully before he slams the tire iron into Jason
over and over again
and over and over again
the sick thunk of the tire iron hitting his damaged body
-----------------------
he can't have made it easy
to love him
to take care of him
to have him there
he can't have made it easy for his family (the only family he's ever known)
he wishes he could say he was sorry. sorry for getting caught, sorry for dying in this way, sorry
alfred. sorry. sorry for doing this to them, to bruce.
sorry bruce. for being so angry, for- for not being better, a better robin like he deserved
elena. elena he's so sorry. for never sayingiloveyou, for being one more person she has to lose, bruce and her both have to lose
------------------------
He crawls to his mother tied up near. His fingertips press into the wood so deep they leave marks and splinters end up under his fingernails, and he uses his teeth and one hand to tear away her binds, breathlessly.
"Go. Save... yourself."
"No, not without you. We'll both get out of here."
"I can't- I can't be saved-"
She drags him toward the door despite the fact the movement hurts him. It's dragging the most broken body across pavement. He makes sounds the whole way because it hurts
it hurts
it hurts
there's that countdown in the back. the door is locked, and jason uses the last of his strength to push himself over his mother, knowing he's going to die.
he's going to die.
5...4...3... 2
1
Summary: oh lord, have you walked away?. Jason Todd's death.
TW: lots of torture, death. mentions of suicide and rape and victim blaming.
After letting that rapist fall off the roof (Jason made no move to save him though he could have, and he doesn't regret it. Not when his victim killed herself, not when his victim was not believed at the police station), he is taken off active duty as Robin. Bruce tries to frame it well and explain to him the reasons why, but it's Jason. He doesn't quite get it. He's angry and upset. He feels like he's let Bruce down even though he can never regret killing that man, and maybe it's his biological father in him that makes him so willing to kill without regret.
He's not like Bruce as much as he has always wanted to be. His son. Instead of his biological father's son.
Jason's taken off active duty, and he feels he's let Bruce down (wasn't everyone waiting for that? Jason was waiting for that. Does a kid from the dark, violent streets of Gotham really belong in a manor?). He talks to Elena about it too, and she seems to hate the thought he could have killed that man (because she worries about him, about what it would do to him. but he feels like he's already there, and it's worth it if it means that scum can't hurt anyone else). They argue about it like he argued with Bruce about it, and he feels lost.
He throws himself into searching for his biological mother with everything he has. Bruce has taught him detective skills, and he uses those to find his way and try to ignore what crime Batman is currently fighting, because otherwise, it's the only place he'd want to be. Becoming Robin, it was the best day of Jason's life, and he feels like he's lost that.
Jason finds her. His mother. He leaves early in the morning before Batman has returned. Alfred is up waiting for him. He gives Jason food, and Jason says he'll be back, but he's found his mother and he has to go meet her.
It shouldn't be complicated is the thing.
Meeting one's biological mother, it should at worst be a monumental and painful disappointment and at best be a beautiful, important experience. What Jason will find is neither.
-------------------------------------
On the train ride over, he calls Elena. She'd been on a date with Stefan Salvatore, which is its own bundle of contradictions and pain, because he loves Elena but of course- Stefan is rich. Stefan has money, and he has class.
And Jason has never told Elena how he feels.
He doesn't realize it will be too late now to ever tell her, but they talk while he rides on the train. They talk for hours.
------------------------------------
His mother isn't even in Gotham. He has to travel far, and Jason doesn't use any of Bruce's money to do this though it would be available to him. He hitchhikes. He takes a train.
She isn't even in Gotham, but she still finds herself in the middle of a dangerous mess. Jason doesn't even think she realizes it, but he meets her and she has a good story for why she was never a part of his life. He is so desperate for a parental figure after losing his last and disappointing Bruce that he doesn't consider it anything but truthful.
Jason informs her of what's going on, because he thinks it's important for her to know. He tells her that they can work together with a friend of his (Batman) to stop this and to get her free safely before they take down this group, stealing and selling drugs.
He's about to make the call to Bruce, but Sheila lets out a scream (all staged, all planned). Jason drops the phone, and he rushes after her, terrified he's going to lose her too. He follows after them, unwilling to lose the trail in case it means he can't pick it up again in time. He's seen how quickly death happens, and he's worried about what those men might do to her. He's angry he even turned his back for a moment.
When he shows up at the warehouse to save her, it's revealed quickly she sold him out, because she didn't want to go to jail, because she was as deeply involved as anyone else (that's the blood that runs through his veins, his mother and his father, both criminals like he is. was), and Jason never got that call through to Bruce, and he fights with everything he has but he's quickly overwhelmed, darkness envelopes him,
and there's the maniacal, familiar sound of Joker's laugh.
Joker who killed Rachel. Joker who deeply hurt Barbara who will never be the same. Joker who does everything he can to hurt and destroy the people in Gotham without care, and Jason has seen how each and every hit goes back to ram into Bruce and take more from him. How torn up Elena would be right along with them as they tried to hold Bruce together and support him when it felt like he was pulling farther and farther apart. That is his family, and he's never been so far away from them before.
I'm sorry he wants to say to him before everything blacks out.
---------------------------------------------------
When Jason wakes on Day 1 (though he has no concept of time), he's tied up to the ceiling, hanging and bleeding. Everything hurts. When he tries to move in the binds, a searing, sharp, hot pain rushes through him and he has to bite on his tongue to keep from crying out. His arm is broken, and it's dark. The light is so dim except for a red light in the distance.
"What the... hell."
It's murmured. His stomach twists up in knots.
"That's for the Bats." It's The Joker, high pitched, always sounds like he's so fucking amused with everything. "After all, I'm sure he'd just love to see how much fun you and I are having, Jason. Don't you? He'll be so jealous of our bonding time, but we can't leave him out."
The Joker presses on Jason's arm, and a noise finally escapes him, torn and screaming through his lungs and his throat. He tries to catch his breath, but he can't.
"Fuck you."
The Joker punches him in the gut. Not because he's angry or affected, but because he can, because he wants to, because it's fun.
"Do you think I'm that easy? You haven't even asked me to dinner yet. Besides it's just about time for the main event. What do you think, Batman? His right or left leg next? We've all heard how tasty turkey legs are, but what about a Robin leg? So many options..."
Jason tries to lunge at him with everything he can muster, all that he can fight with even tied up, even though that pain tears through him all over again. He's bruised, and he's bleeding from cuts, and he is fighting.
"Both? I think he said, Both, don't you, Jason? Batman wants you to suffer. Why else would he pick up someone so hilariously weak to fly, fly, fly right beside him all this time?"
It's both.
Jason passes out sometime after his leg is broken. He's screaming.
----------------------------
He's hanging still, and his arms feel like they'll be ripped from the sockets. Bones stick out of his legs. He wakes up slowly, water has been placed into his mouth. Joker says something about not wanting him to die just yet. It's too soon. That's no show. They have to put on a real show. He cuts him down from the rope, and Jason falls abruptly down to the floor, knocking his head against the pavement.
Jason thinks about Batman, about how he has to be getting close (He's forgotten he never contacted him, forgotten he didn't give anyone the right coordinates so it'll take finding where the hell he went and following the breadcrumbs long before he can be found
or saved, but he holds on to these thoughts as darkness fades in blissfully because pain has become him)
He passes out again.
---------------------------
It's so dark.
Jason hears quiet footsteps, barely footsteps.
"Elena?" in a desperate whisper. Except no, she wouldn't, couldn't, and he shouldn't say her name out loud. He has to protect her identity and Bruce's identity
and not. not say. But there were steps. Something like hope crawls its way into his chest. His hand tightens over nothing.
"Batman?" It's the first time desperation tinges his voice. It's the first time he's sounded as young as he is. "Is that you? I knew- I knew you'd come."
"Yes, it's me, Jason. I'm going to get you out of here." The voice is such a good imitation, isn't it? Jason's head is pounding so loud, he hears what he wants to hear, and there's this beautiful moment of release, of relief where he nearly collapses despite the fact he's still on the floor. He nearly collapses with the strength of it, thinking now he's just gotta- just gotta live until Bruce can get him out, and he can talk to him and apologize
and he can eat food with Alfred by the fire again
and he can find Barbara and apologize that Joker is still out there because he understands what it's like to really hate now
and he can see Elena and tell her he loves her.
Then there's that laughter- that fucking laughter. "You really believed me, didn't you? You're more far gone than I thought, sweetie. No one's coming to save you. Definitely not the Batman. No one cares about you. Why else are you out here all alone? Suffering?" It's the hand of the Joker smacking his face as he pulls him up by the hair. "Smile for the camera, Jason."
The camera's in his face, and it's suddenly bright- too bright in here. A noise escapes Jason. Everything is on fire. He's bleeding. He knows it. He can see his own bones sticking out from skin, and he coughs through the pain of it.
"Anything you want to say?" The Joker taps lightly on the screen.
"Don't." Jason breathes out sharply. It's too late maybe. He doesn't know how much of this has been recorded, and he- he's terrified of Bruce watching this. He's scared that somehow Elena will instead, and she'll- Or Alfred. Oh, God. No one can ever see this. Ever. "Don't watch this. Burn it. Get rid of it. Don't. Promise me. I'm sorry."
His eyes burn. They flood with tears. He tries to fight it but can't.
"Oh, don't you worry. He won't see this right after you die. No, this will be for later when I need to distract him a little bit. Just a tiny bit." What a wonderful escape plan, after all. "You make for a wonderful distraction, Jason, and that's about all. How smart of you to walk directly into my trap for a woman who could not care less about you. But that's women for you, right?"
Jason spits at him (it's part blood), and the Joker hits him with the camera.
-----------------------------------------
At some point, Joker takes his hand and brands him with a J.
You're mine now, boy.
Jason doesn't remember much of it but the smell of his own burning flesh and the searing pain that causes him to black out.
------------------------------------------
This is how it ends, isn't it?
Jason blinks his eyes open. Pain has leveled out to the point he's gotten used to it, but he still- he flinches for the first time when he hears steps coming his way. The begging escapes him because he doesn't want to hurt any more, and he no longer believes Batman is coming for him. "Don't. Please. Don't."
"Oh, don't you worry. It'll all be over soon, little birdie. Do you think Batman's coming?"
Jason bites down on his tongue so hard it bleeds. Tears shoot to his eyes.
"Well?"
"No."
The Joker plays with the tire iron in his hand. "Homerun," he declares gleefully before he slams the tire iron into Jason
over and over again
and over and over again
the sick thunk of the tire iron hitting his damaged body
-----------------------
he can't have made it easy
to love him
to take care of him
to have him there
he can't have made it easy for his family (the only family he's ever known)
he wishes he could say he was sorry. sorry for getting caught, sorry for dying in this way, sorry
alfred. sorry. sorry for doing this to them, to bruce.
sorry bruce. for being so angry, for- for not being better, a better robin like he deserved
elena. elena he's so sorry. for never saying
------------------------
He crawls to his mother tied up near. His fingertips press into the wood so deep they leave marks and splinters end up under his fingernails, and he uses his teeth and one hand to tear away her binds, breathlessly.
"Go. Save... yourself."
"No, not without you. We'll both get out of here."
"I can't- I can't be saved-"
She drags him toward the door despite the fact the movement hurts him. It's dragging the most broken body across pavement. He makes sounds the whole way because it hurts
it hurts
it hurts
there's that countdown in the back. the door is locked, and jason uses the last of his strength to push himself over his mother, knowing he's going to die.
he's going to die.
5...4...3... 2
1